I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
