Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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