hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
