Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
