So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The power of my boobs compel you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
