so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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