his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
