Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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