i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
