Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
