Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
