I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
