tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
