just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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