so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
