Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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