my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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