I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
