Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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