Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
