wrigley field is MILF paradise
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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