i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
