i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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