Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
