bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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