The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize