he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
