I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
