I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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