is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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