And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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