Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
