i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
