meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
