Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
