This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
