Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
