Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
