my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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