When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
