Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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