I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
