I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fuck appropriateness.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
