Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
