Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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