What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
