I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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