if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
