So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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