I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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