hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Even my vagina gasped.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
