You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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