Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
