I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
