How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
