She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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