I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
