I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize