Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
