Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
