nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
