My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
