well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
