I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
